I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
