I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
