First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
