I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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