if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
