I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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