I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
