do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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