found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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