She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
