this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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