you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
