your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
