I wanna passion pit in your ass
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Randomize
