6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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