I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
