apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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