We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
