party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
