No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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