You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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