Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
