Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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