i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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