If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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