i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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