she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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