Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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