Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
