you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
