their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
