hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
