I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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