Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
