he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
