Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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