oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
