I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
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