I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
