I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Randomize
