Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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