My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
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