we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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