My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
