Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
