Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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