you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
