FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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