I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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