What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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