I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
