Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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