Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
