some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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