Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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